Well it's been three months since I've written here and a lot has happened in terms of emetophobia. At the moment it seems like a little niggle, whereas then it was taking over my life so I'm feeling very positive.
Things like the 3 hour train journey are still hard, but having done it about 10 times now I know I can and I do, every time. The stress of it tires me out but that's a good excuse to have a bath run for me and an early night! That's just about the worst thing about it, if I'm honest.
The plane journey seems very insignificant now, even though it marked a huge step towards my recovery. There were tears in the departure lounge, gritted teeth, shaking hands etc. but in the end I found I was ok. I rather disliked the plan journey there as it was dark and I couldn't see whether we were on our side or going straight. That made me feel a little dizzy and quite sick but as soon as we landed that went away and I realised it was actually probably nerves. I LOVED the flight back, which was early in the morning but light enough to see the clouds whizzing by. I even ate the sandwich we were given and was relaxed enough to enjoy my podcast so that goes to show that once you just go and do something, it gets so much better.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll say now that I still have days where I wake up feeling anxious and the whole anxiety - nausea cycle begins. I still carry my bottles of ginger beer, andrews salts, heartburn tablets and little plastic bags everywhere I go but I no longer feel guilty about doing so. I need them to make me feel calm and that's just how I'm dealing with this at the moment. They will go when I feel comfortable without them.
I still have emetophobia and I think that maybe I always will, but it's starting to get more and more insignificant as time goes on. Why? 6 weeks of therapy. This calls for another post...
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